ZAPI Artists BYTEZ — AAPI Heritage Month — EP. 1 with Cindy Tsai

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC1jg1rNfWU&ab_channel=ZAPIArtists

Transcription

Cindy: Hello, hello!

jay: Hey. Okay. For the record, state your name and pronouns and whatever identifiers/hyphenates you use.

Cindy: I’m Cindy Tsai, I use she/her pronouns, and I am Chinese- and Taiwanese-American. I am currently in the theater industry. I just got my musical theater degree, so I’m freshly graduated from undergrad.

jay: Amazing. Okay. So for starters, I know you just touched on this earlier, but how do you define your race and ethnicity/ies?

Cindy: Yes. So I was born in the US, but both my parents are immigrants and my mom is from Shanghai, China, and my dad is from Taipei, Taiwan.

jay: Interesting. So what does being Asian and Chinese-Taiwanese mean to you?

Cindy: It’s definitely tricky. The Asian-American experience is hard to really identify where I belong. I don’t necessarily feel like I belong in Taiwan or China, but I feel like I don’t really belong here either because it’s America. And I feel like I’m seen as a foreigner. So it’s hard to identify exactly what it means to me to be Chinese and Taiwanese. I think there are some cultural aspects that I have, like the way I grew up, the language I speak, and the foods I eat. But other than that, it’s kind of a hybrid, and also my own culture that I’ve curated from all of the above.

jay: So how would you say you identify with those things? Is it because you feel like you have to, or do you actually feel like it, or is it like you said — a hybrid?

Cindy: I think sometimes it can be hard to think tangibly what my culture is. I think the things we see are like language and food/cuisine, and clothing, cultural customs, traditions, holidays. Those are all part of my culture, but. There are other intangible things, like the way that I was raised and the way that I act is inherently Taiwanese and Chinese, but it’s not something I can put my finger on. It’s this thing that I do that is that culture and not American, or it’s this thing that’s American and not that culture. So it can be hard to connect and really feel like I can own that I’m Chinese and Taiwanese. I feel like the disclaimer is always that I’m American, or like I’m ABC (American-born Chinese). So yeah, it can be tough for sure.

jay: I see. So moving on to your career path, how do you envision a reimagined arts and entertainment industry?

Cindy: I mean, we’re in a reckoning right now. Over the past year, there’s been a lot of talk about racial justice and equity, diversity inclusion, all these buzzwords about the entertainment industry. And I’m currently in theater, but I also want to get into film, TV, and music, and there are problems everywhere. So I envision, especially right now in theater there is a reckoning. A lot of people want to go back to work, but because our industry is closed right now, it’s an opportunity to investigate and improve the way our systems work and acknowledge that our systems are really corrupt, and that they all benefit white supremacy.

So now’s the time to really investigate that and change how we run things, so that when we get back to when theaters open, that artists are safe coming back. Artists of color, Black artists, Asian artists, artists in the disabled community and trans artists — everybody who is marginalized in this industry because this industry is dominated by white men, but what industry isn’t?

So, yeah, I think now’s the time to really dig deep into that. And so, what is the vision for it? I don’t even think I can imagine what it would look like, the ideal. Obviously seeing more people who look like the world on stage, because the representation is so unbalanced. We just see a bunch of white stories and the nuclear family. And that’s not what our world looks like, so I would start there, for sure.

jay: Okay. So then let’s center back on reality and something tangible, you’ve mentioned all of this reimagining that can’t yet be imagined because we’ve never done it before. What is your role in all of that? And kind of relating to my original next question. You co-founded ZAPI Artists. So if you want to talk about that?

Cindy: Yeah. So last summer, a friend of mine, Christine and I, we were just talking and we wanted to produce Asian productions. And then we also were having a lot of conversations about allyship, and specifically API allyship for Black communities. We realized that we had a lot to say, and we have a lot to learn as well. So this was an opportunity for us to both learn and educate. So we created this collective, we’re coming up on a year soon and, yeah, and I’m never really sure what to call it. You know, it’s an organization, a collective, a production company, like we’ve done a production that was very, very successful. We also fundraised and the majority, the bulk of our work is in education and researching and then just trying to help educate our audience, and inform them a little better, and to combat our ignorance.

jay: Amazing. So now let’s get back to you. We’ll start with something simple. Let’s talk about what matters to you. Obviously all of these, but since you’re working on so many different things and you have so many different feelings and emotions about everything, what really matters to you in your work and how do you keep yourself grounded in all of this?

Cindy: Yeah, I think the work that I’m doing now, especially within the last year but honestly, over the last few years, is very centered around race and representation and education now. It can be really draining, and abolition, and right now is a crucial time for organizing in our industry. And it can be really draining. So there always has to be a balance. There are so many things I care about that aren’t this, even though this may be my main focus sometimes, but I also want to have a happy life, right? Spend time with loved ones and eat incredible food, and make great art and witness incredible art. So what keeps me grounded? I have these moments of just like, you know, I’m not going to give that part of myself away today. Because, like I said, this work can be very exhausting, very draining.

It’s very important for me to take the time to listen to my favorite podcasts that have nothing to do with race, or cook my favorite meals that I grew up learning how to cook, and watching a lot of anime. That also has a cultural aspect to it. my industry’s so predominantly white. My work and school and all these places that are always taking up the majority of my time were predominantly white. And that can be really draining. So I made it a conscious decision to consume non-white, TV shows, entertainment, and kind of immerse myself in those cultures. Especially my own culture with food, entertainment and all the things that I do in my free time, to combat those predominantly white spaces that we’re always in.

And then it’s just like my little safe haven. You can catch me making the nuclear noodles, Korean nuclear noodles and then sitting at my desk and watching anime while I eat. That’s like my form of staying grounded and sustainable in all of this work is taking those moments, which can be hard to do sometimes, but it’s really necessary.

jay: Which is my last question. And as you mentioned, this kind of work that you’re doing overall is very important. And like you said, it’s hard to allow yourself to step away from it, even for just a moment, to just be. So what do you want to say to other people in similar positions who, you know, deserve a break, who deserve to celebrate themselves, but feel almost guilty in doing that?

Cindy: Well, I’ll say I really relate to that. Not even guilty — there is guilt and also just feeling that if I’m not going to do it, who is going to do it, you know? So I have this responsibility but that can be really unsustainable. And that’s what I’m realizing, and I’m still young and I’m learning a lot. And I’m by no means an expert in any of this, like activism, I’m even having a hard time calling myself an activist.

Sometimes I have an opinion on some things, you know, but I think for anyone who’s dedicated to this work and is doing it pretty much every day, it’s just taking those moments to breathe, to ground. Meditation is great, even if it’s just for five minutes, closing your eyes. And then finding those moments for me, it’s a lot of Korean food, Taiwanese food, anime and really great music. I love making my playlists and having little jam sessions, that’s where I find my joy and that’s where I feel like, “Oh, this doesn’t necessarily have to be about me fighting for the greater good,” or, you know, equality or anything, which is still really important.

But I would say to anybody who’s in a similar position, which I know you are too, jay. It’s just taking those moments just for yourself. That’s why I said there are parts of me that I can’t give away and I have to set that boundary. It’s definitely something I’m working on and learning how to do, but I’m getting there every day.