ZAPI Artists BYTEZ — AAPI Heritage Month — EP. 4 with Sofia Khwaja
Transcription
jay: Hi! So for starters, could you introduce yourself with your name, pronouns, and whatever identifiers you use?
sofia: Yeah, so I am Sofia Khwaja. I use she/her pronouns. Um, I am an artist and actor, a writer, activist. Um, I’m a person who likes to say silly things and write them down. That’s definitely me. Um, that’s- that’s I think, uh, the core of, you know, who I am.
jay: I love that. So if you don’t mind sharing, how do you define your race and ethnicity/ies?
sofia: Yeah. So I, uh, am a South Asian person. I’m a South Asian-American person. Um, I’m also biracial. My mom is white and my dad is, um, Pakistani and. You know, my dad’s side of the family is originally from Mumbai, India and during the partition, they immigrated to Pakistan. And then my dad grew up in Pakistan. So I identify with both being Pakistani and Indian, uh, you know, cause there’s a lot of cultural connections there and a lot of crossovers. Um, but I would say, yeah, I’m a mixed south Asian person. That’s who I am.
jay: Cool. So. I don’t know how you would prefer to phrase this, but what does being Asian and specifically South Asian or, you know, even more specifically Pakistani and Indian mean to you?
sofia: You know, it’s interesting. I feel like. For so many Asians, it takes different meanings throughout your life. For me, for sure, uh, being Asian and being South Asian has held so many different meanings to me. Um, just as I’ve been on my journey, um, you know, living in America as an Asian person and living, um, like I’m from a small town in Illinois, and I grew up where there were very, very few South Asian people, very few Asian people. Let alone anyone who was mixed and Asian. So, you know, um, I think for me the start of my life and like how I identified being south Asian, I always felt strongly connected to my culture and always, um, felt like it was mine, but taking up space in that way has always for a while, it was very difficult for me. Um, but now it’s definitely so much a source of-source of, uh, my strength and my pride. Um, and, yeah, it’s just- it’s just come to mean so many different things as I’ve been on my journey to unlearning and relearning a lot of things. Um, but yeah.
jay: Could you go more into detail about what you mean by that? Learning to take up space. How did you manage that and sort of, what do you think of, um, in grounding yourself?
sofia: Yeah, I think for me learning to take up space, uh, being mixed is a really interesting thing and I think even more so the layer of being a mixed Asian person is a very specific experience. Um, because I don’t think it’s talked about much and it’s not represented in the mainstream media. Um, and you know, growing up, I didn’t see anyone in TV or film who looked like me, um, or really anyone that I could relate to. And I think for a while in my life, you know, there’s this thing that every mixed person goes through, maybe so- some more than others, um, and everyone’s experience can be so different, but for me, it just- you constantly feel a sense of being an imposter. Uh, and that you don’t have the right to say, uh, you know, I’m- for me, I’m South Asian, this is my culture. This is who I am. Um, and you know, it’s funny how much people, part of how you learn to take up space as well has to do with how others perceive you. And, you know, it can be a very interesting thing when you are one race or ethnicity and others perceive you a different way. So then you’re constantly being told, you know, oh, but you look like this, or, you know, I think- I perceive you this way. And so, you know, like, oh, but I am this thing. So how- how do I marry those two things? Of, uh, perception and then who I actually am. And so I think that’s- that’s been the thing for me of like, learning to take up space as like, yes, I’m a mixed person. Um, but that doesn’t make me any less South Asian than anyone else. Um, I know my own truth, you know. I know who I am. Um, and I know what’s true to me and I, that doesn’t make me an imposter at all. For sure.
jay: That’s so beautiful. Thank you for sharing all that. You mentioned, um, representation and reflection of yourself. And earlier you described yourself as an actor and, um, artist. So how do you envision a reimagined arts and entertainment industry?
sofia: Yeah, you know, uh, I have so many visions for it and it’s such a complicated, um, thing to envision and it’s happening right now, I think. Um, but for me, like I said, like representation, um, isn’t and still is struggling to match and reflect society as a whole. Um, even if you break it down with the experiences of- of people of color, everybody’s experience is- is different and what representation they see or how they move through the world. Um, and so I think. In re-imagining the arts industry, um, and entertainment industry, it’s like starting to realize that things are not equal at the moment. And you know, a lot of times as progress is being made, it can often seem like, oh, this group of people is receiving so much attention or they’re getting all of the spotlight. But really what that is is it’s not one, uh, group of people is being put over the other people. It’s the, the scale being balanced. Um, so I think first of all, it’s that it’s balancing that scale. Um, and I think of reimagined industry specifically for people of color as a whole just looks like being able to tell the stories that we want to tell, not having those stories written for us. Um, not having, you know, other people tell us what those stories should look like or having to cater to different views.It’s just allowing, uh, creativity, um, for people of color in the same way that like our white counterparts are allowed in the industry. Um, so I think that’s the starting point. It’s a really complicated question. Um, and it’s definitely really tough, I think, to pinpoint one exact answer, but it’s multiple, multiple things happening in succession, I think. Um, and I think also a huge part of it is not just, you know, I’m an actor, but it’s not just hiring more actors of color, hiring more Asian actors. It’s we need more writers. We need more directors. Uh, we need producers. We need people who are, um, funding these things in theater and film and TV. And the problem is that in America, especially there’s so much wage disparity. And so if you’re a producer or your, um, you know, you’re behind the table, oftentimes there’s class privilege with that. And that’s why there’s such a lack of representation there as well. Um, so I think starting there, that’s the starting point.
jay: I agree. That’s very complicated. And you said all this and it’s only the starting point. So could you talk about your role in all of that, in the reimagining or your various-, the various things you do as like an actor and then an artist, and then also an activist, you said. Yeah.
sofia: I mean, honestly, it’s still something I’m figuring out for myself, you know, I- I’m 20, uh, my career is just beginning.And so I think it’s something that I’m answering for myself. And I think, you know, a lot of times we’re told if you- you’re not seeing the stories that you want or you’re not, uh, you’re not seeing them in film, TV, theater, and art, right. Then go and write them for yourself. And I think that’s true for me. And I think I- one of the ways that I am going to change the industry is by writing. Um, and by writing those stories and representing myself in that way, and you know, also in acting and repre- representing those stories on- on screen, on stage. Um, but you know, not everyone’s a writer, uh, and many people didn’t sign up to be a writer. They want to be an actor or they, you know, they want to be a singer. They want to be a director. And so, um, it’s interesting. Cause I think sometimes when I hear like, oh, well, what’s- when I’m trying to figure out, well, what’s my role? You get into this thing where I’m like, I need to stretch myself in 12 directions because the industry needs me here and here and here and here. And I’m even answering that for myself of like, do I need to do this? Like, do I want to do this? Like, I don’t know. Um, but I I’m just so desperate and so passionate and hungry to create that change that, um, I think it looks all the ways that I’m going to be a part of it looks very differently. And it’s still, you know, it changes, I think, as you go through your career and you get older and start to figure more things out.
jay: Can you talk specifically about ZAPI Artists? How did you get involved and why?
sofia: Yeah, so, uh, you know, as we’ve talked about in some of our previous podcasts, uh, ZAPI artists was created by- originally created by Cindy and Christine. Um, and the idea came about, um, because they wanted to produce, uh, Asian productions. And then it was also a response to, um, you know, what API allyship looks like for other communities of color, specifically the Black community, especially, um, in the increased visibility for Black Lives Matter. Um, And so it got- the platform started to run in late June and Cindy and I, uh, you know, we’re friends from school. And I remember when the account got first created, it was like, a few days in, and I was loving the posts and it was something that really spoke to me in the work that I wanted to be doing. And pretty much right at the start of the creation, I was like, Hey, I have this idea to make this post. Please let me help you write it. And, uh, Cindy and Christine were like, yeah, absolutely. And basically the rest was a history. Um, you know, everything that ZAPI has become so far. Uh, the three of us created that and then, you know, things have changed and people have come and more people have joined, people have left. Um, and so that was- that was pretty much how everything started. It was really just me, um, wanting to collaborate. And then I became, full-time almost immediately. And, and then started to run the platform as well.
jay: Now let’s talk about you. Um, and of course I’ve asked other podcast guests these, but what matters to you? I really want to know.
sofia: Hmm. Well, a lot of things matter to me. Do you mean in like my work in, in ZAPI stuff or- can you expand a little bit on that?
jay: Yeah. Um, I phrased it kind of vaguely, intentionally, so that it’s like either whatever is the first thing that comes to mind or whatever that, you know, you never really got to share about because maybe you’ve existed mostly in spaces where you have to be a person of color or this identity or that.
sofia: Yeah, well, honestly, uh, it sounds very simple, but what matters to me is truth and, um. What matters to me is authenticity and, um. The- the balance between finding joy in art and also finding pain for me, um, has been something that I- I’ve really come to kind of turn over and like value. Um, I guess- I guess to expand on that, it’s like this idea, at least when I’m hearing, you know, being, being in the industry is like, Do I want my stories, the stories for Asians for South Asians, Do I want that to be representative of, um, pain of trauma that we experienced in a multitude of ways beyond even just racism? I mean, generational trauma, um, violence, you know, war, all of these things, religion. Or do I want to find joy? Do I want to show what, um, you know, South Asian love looks like on screen. Do I want to show South Asian people being hilarious and funny and goofy? Or do I want to show, you know, happy- happy south Asian family? And I’m starting to realize that what really matters to me is both because that’s real life. Um, and I think for me in like reimagining what this industry looks like, especially when we’re talking about representation, diversity and storytelling is like, it’s- it’s so much both. And, and we have to- to me, I’m like, we- we can’t just represent our pain and we can’t just represent our joy because that’s not real to being a human, you know, you have to have both, I think.
